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Book Review : He's Just Not That Into You

Written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (authors of “Sex and the City,”) 'He’s Just Not That into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys' looks at why men behave in certain ways that can make it seem like they “rule the dating world“. Taking a fun, easy-reading and refreshingly honest perspective, this guide for the single woman analyses excuses men make when they are really just not interested. It encourages women to stop rationalizing bad relationships. Co-author Greg states, “The book is about being honest with yourself and setting your standards higher“.

Already featured on Oprah and 20/20, “He's Just Not That Into You“ is serving as a wake-up call to women worldwide. According to Liz, “if you're spending a lot of time making excuses for your man or thinking about your man, or obsessing, it’s very likely that he's just not that into you.“ You wouldn't accept sub-standard performance in your business or at work, so why run your love life that way?

The idea for “He's Just Not That into You“ stems from an episode of “Sex and the City.“ Miranda, a single woman, is describing the ending to her latest date. He kissed her twice outside his door yet did not ask her inside, claiming to have an early appointment the next day. While all of Miranda's girlfriends accepted the excuse as reasonable, the sole male at the table provides a dose of reality, indicating “He's just not that into you.“

Simply written and humorous, Greg and Liz offer both tough love and sympathetic advice. “Greg is very black and white about his advice and women appreciate his straight forward, honest opinions,“ shares Liz.

Reviewing common dating and relationship scenarios, Greg and Liz examine the typical mindsets that keep otherwise successful women in unsatisfying relationships. Each chapter breaks down a familiar excuse provided by men who are too afraid to directly tell a woman, “you're not the one for me.“

Instead, men indirectly send this message via excuses such as not calling you, not having sex with you, seeing you only when they're drunk, or disappearing on you.

Greg explains, “you seem to think at times that we're "too shy" or we "just got out of something." Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. If we want you, we will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.

The "Maybe He Doesn't Want to Ruin the Friendship" Excuse

Dear Greg,

I'm so disappointed. I have this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So, what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for?

Jodi

Dear Friendly Girl,

Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster - but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a "sex buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.

I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves - we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please, don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of - and I say this with a lot of love - is how not attracted to you he is.

Liz hopes the book will help women with their bad relationships. “All these years, women have been willing to settle for so little and men have been able to get sloppy in their behavior. Hopefully men will become more self-conscious about their actions. If not, at least women can stop hanging onto bad boyfriends, making excuses for relationships that just aren't there.“ According to Liz, “women who read the book have been known to grab their cell phone and delete half the numbers in there! Others have found the strength to end a long term relationship or finally move on after a difficult breakup.“ Remember, if he likes you, he will let you know!

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