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Distanced Relationship Issues
Dear Shawn and Katia,
I am a thirty year old guy and I have been dating someone for about 6 months until she just moved to another country for a change in careers. Since she has been away, I have had a lot of time to think about our relationship and I can't help but feel confused. She was the one to initiate an intimate relationship a short while after we had become friends and a short while later her behavior changed. She started staring at other guys constantly and made many comments about their attractiveness. Once she even pointed to a guy and said he was her 'type'. The next day we walked past the same place and she asked, "Where's my hunk man?" I don't want to appear jealous, so I tried to ignore it. However, she continued to stare and make comments about other men.
If I was not her type, why did she initiate a relationship? I would also like to know why she continued seeing me and then making a point of telling me that I don't have the look that she likes in a guy. What should I do now?
-- Caius
To Caius,
We understand why you feel confused. However the fact that she has moved to another country and has now stopped all contact seems like a very clear message.
We are going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she really meant no harm. She seems young and has a desire to experience life and relationships. She is looking around at all the cute guys out there and thinking about what she would like to taste from the wide offerings on the male buffet. While there is nothing wrong with this, if it is not what you want, it is not right for you. It seems that she “liked” you and decided to taste a relationship with you. However, when she realized she wants to taste other fruits from the tree, she childishly dropped hints to you. When you didn’t bite, she made a strong statement by moving away.
Now it’s time to nurture your own feelings and get closure so that you can move on. Treat this as a learning experience. If you begin to have strong feelings for someone, really examine whether or not this person really wants you before agreeing to become intimate with them.
-- Shawn & Katia
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